| so yeah.......hows life? |
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| 02:58am 19/02/2006 |
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mood:  weird music: orgy-stiches
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It just grand.....im off probation...............im still single.......shes in another state and she has a boyfriend..............i feel like an asshole....well whatever it happens i didnt know.
i love her.
i doubt she loves me. or shes just board with me.
well whatever
thank you for takeing my virginty.
i had fun
thank you for fucking me up more
first anything with anyone was just a one night stand......that kills me inside.
thanks for takeing my first kiss with a girl.
i loved it
more then the sex......
remeber im here if things between you and him dont work out.......... |
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| well so lets see |
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| 01:50pm 23/10/2005 |
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what have i been up to?
well mostly just school and hanging out weird things still happen but what can i say, life is weird alittle funny but still its weird
im offically strait edge no drugs are in my body and havent been for awhile like 4 months or so.
i even went as far as to quit smokeing (so far its the hardist habbit to break)other then that im fine |
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| well im home |
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| 04:57pm 10/09/2005 |
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in juneau ive been really happy lately dont know why maybe its the whole im loved thing or the mass amounts of groupies?
i dont know ether way im happy but im still missing her. |
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| Blue man group |
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| 07:41pm 18/08/2005 |
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mood:  amused music: optimised-skinny puppy
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Well i saw the blue man group tonight and i wasn't disapointed, it was very amuzeing, funny and creative. To any of you who has a perfomance near you go see it, its worth your money. |
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| cant help but feel |
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| 08:12pm 06/08/2005 |
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mood:  loved music: shensucht- rammstein
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alittle worried life the way its going ifor once i dont know whasts going to happen next
life is getting better for me mostly cause i found someone who loves me as much as i love them well other then that my luck is getting better im getting skinnyer go ahead look for yourself check out my photobucket thingy
anyway dont get me wrong just because life is getting better doesnt mean i still dont expect the worse.
anyway does anyone besides heather read this?
if not i can always stop writeing in here and just call her or something. |
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| salem |
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| 07:33pm 01/08/2005 |
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mood: loved music: engel-rammstein
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i went to salem yester day if you check out my photo bucket thingy you can see some of the photos
i had a blast
heather if you reading this i just want you to know
i love you |
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| i get to go shopeing |
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| 08:22am 28/07/2005 |
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mood: loved music: user friendly- manson
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today i get to go to hot topic and buy some cloths those of you who know me know i dont have many cloths my dad resently tried to go shopeing with me he took me to a whole bunch of really prepy shops it was just funny i love it when my parents try to buy me cloths.......mostly cause its funny what they think im into........like my mom bought me a nike shirt ands what not
dont get me wrong im not a picky person when it comes to clothing as long as its black i wear it, if it has a stupid disign on it ill just wear it inside out or some shit
anyway life is ok........my days mostly are composed of sleeping and waiting for that girl to get online. i love her she loves me im loved for the first time in my life im loved.......i feel great. i cant help but think of the irony though, im loved by one of the greatst women i have ever met, and theres not a single chance ill be able to see her again untill second semester. the irony is ive always wanted love from someone ive always wnted to love them back and here we are now i have what i want but its so far away......i have it i just cant see it.....or touch it or taste it.
owell im loved ill just wait like a good little boy.
when i see her again ill be a naughty little boy. |
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| girl.........problems |
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| 08:40pm 13/07/2005 |
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mood: loved music: helena-misfits
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its been awhile so i think ill give you the updates
things between me and that one girl didnt work out
i met some other chick on the fourth of july we hit it off........big time we had a beach fire together we talked for hours later that night we went to my house and had a whole bunch a PG-13 fun we talked some more and she out of the blue kissed me.........my first kiss well now that i think about it some more what the hell did i expect to happen the second we made eye contact we hit it off.....as the the next few days went by the stuff we did increased in rateing from PG-13 to NC-17 to X
shes a real great girl, good personalty,incredable beautyfull,blond hair,green eyes,hot........but most of all in my mind theres nothing hotter then personalty and this girl is a bombshell .................i just wish she could stay... |
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| alright happy false alarm |
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| 07:04am 29/05/2005 |
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mood: better then before music: buck dich rammstein
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well no real time to think anymore between work and sleep but i did however make progress bad progress but still none the less progress with that girl its ofical were only going to be friends........owell im just glade to have one such as her as a friend
she kicks ass
i cant help but feel unloved for the fact that no one comments on my livejournal not even you constent reader not to mention i only have you as a friend destiny. |
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| well im back to my old unhappy self |
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| 01:34pm 21/05/2005 |
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mood:  very unloved music: paint it black
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i think its pretty fucking clear to me
something i ve always known has become a fact.
i swear i half to get the fuck out of here i hate this town as much as my life blah blah blah blah fuck it |
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| just living f.i.n.e. |
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| 07:37am 19/05/2005 |
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mood: crazy music: nine inch nails- sunspots
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not much to really write about except whats going on now
shes really bizy so i havent seen her since my friday the 13th party.
oh i didnt write about that did i
friday the 13th was crazy and very fucked up....wildist party any of the guest have every been do......it was just plain fucked up.........drugs were involved.
the weirdist it got was 2 people fucking on my couch with rammstein blasting and the tv playing the christion cannel while were all waiting for knife hits 10 feet away from them.
i had like 30 people over again my mom found out some how and she has no idea what to do, like how is she going punish me kick me out? i have so many places i can go its not funny. also i keep a spare key somewere and shes never home.
and if im grounded (never been grounded before) my room is 5 feet from the door.
i really wonder sometimes what my mom thinks of me |
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| okay i have time now |
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| 08:46am 09/05/2005 |
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mood: loved music: rammstien- some song i can spell but its about necrophellia
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woke up at about 6:00 on saturday tokk my S.A.T.s turns out there eazy just basic stuff that you learn in school.......
hung out with some friends did stuff then she called me we hooked up went to el-sombero (that mexican restruant) ate went to cope park swung on the swings with some friends, then to prom hand in hand we walk thru the doors you know typical prom stuff danced (yes i can dance) slow danced she really held me tight during the slow dances not to mention her head on my soulder hand on her waist her hands on mine you know.
anyway at about minight she had to go home (she works in the morning) so we did one more slow dance she huged me like really tight we said goodnight and all she left and i stayed after prom some of my friends went to my house for an after party.
tonight shes comeing over to wach some movies alone for once. |
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| good times, no honistly i had fun |
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| 07:21pm 08/05/2005 |
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well we were together at the dance she held me tight head on my soulder we danced you know. i get back with the rest i got to go |
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| what a great week (no sarcassim) |
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| 05:59pm 06/05/2005 |
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mood: better then ever! music: msi-check them out there a good band
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well lets put it this way im happy very happy.
it all started on sunday i was with some of my friends celibrating belltaine (pagaon hoiday) anyway after the fire celebration we went to my house and wachted some movies and this girl i know was all over me.....now at the time i just thought it was cause shes drunk and happy/horny whatever but she was all over me....tuesday comes rolling up and i called her to see if it was just cause she was drunk or does she like me...
she kept saying sorry and what not and i said
"dont be sorry i kinda liked it"
next thing i know shes at my house with me and she was doing the same shit and she was sober as a judge.....we almost kissed almost.......we were so close but my friend curtis did something just fucking stupid and ruined it for us and he wouldnt leave us alone so yeah.....
i asked her to prom she said yes. and she might come over tonight if im lucky
its not the same girl that i was writeing about i gave up on her.....sadly enuff....she still my friend though.
but yeah my self esteam is on the map for once
anyway after prom were going to my house and thats were im going to ask her out.....wish me luck please i really need it.
anyway i wish my veiwers the best of days i write about prom sometime soon...
goodnight |
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| ok im creeped out |
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| 04:03pm 26/04/2005 |
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mood:  scared music: slipknot-velmilon part 2, you know the sad acustic version
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found out the wizard has a crush on me......this would be ok if he wasnt a guy and like 27 or so
any sugestions?
well this is funny at least im loved by someone......even if there a really creepy guy and scary....
wow is this how you felt?
if so im sorry
oh i asked that girl to prom gues what she said?
no
its funny cause this always happens right after i swear to give up the badlife of drugs, cutting and suicide........
im trying to quit for good.....i do need help though. |
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| i had a party at my house |
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| 03:20pm 18/04/2005 |
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mood: amused music: i dont know
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30 people came over and well i knew all of them i didnt invite them over it just kinda happend
not to piss you off
but alot of drugs were involved......thanks to the "wizard." |
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| heart broken |
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| 02:44pm 17/04/2005 |
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mood: ..........
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well i asked that girl out again this time she heard me........she said no.....
and i hurt again but i didnt bring my hopes up anyway so.....but i still fucking hurt and it sucks....
sure im popular to some extent but that means nothing when you know that nobody fucking loves you not even your parents
i dont know just how i feel mostly suicidal |
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| damn god it im in cornerstone |
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| 01:54pm 04/04/2005 |
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mood:  how do you think i feel? music: paint it black- rolling stones
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its a facillty for well it like jail but not really we can leave but theyll call for an requst to locate im in here because i had an outburst with my mom she said she was going to take me to lunch then when i called her she said she couldnt because she was going to take a nap (she was drunk) she said she'd take me sunday.......guess what instead she got drunk again so when i got home sh started yelling at me and i yelled back and threw a chair in her genral direction showed her my cuts (right now it looks like a cat went to town on my arm) and told her how many times ive tried to end my life wich is around 40 someish what set my off was when she said something like isnt life wonderfull. anyway i went out side slamed the front door and hit it three times and it flew off it hingis went to a freinds house she callled him to tell me that she called the cops on me so i turned myself in.
so now i have almost no rights and well it just sucks but you know what all and all sunday was a very good day and that didnt ruin it for me |
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mr_sick's journal